Sunday, September 27, 2015

Progress Update and Low Mood

I've been pretty quiet online in general over the last few weeks and not really been talking to many people. It's been a hard couple of weeks mentally. I've been so exhausted from not sleeping very well and constant stomach upsets which are very painful. As I don't have a full length intestine anymore, any stomach upsets bring stomach acid out of my stoma which burns my skin and is just generally very uncomfortable and messy to deal with. I don't know if this is partly causing my lack of energy, but I suspect it's part of a bigger picture linking up not enough sleep, still playing with my diet and my low mental state. It's a bit of a vicious cycle as the lower my mood is the lower my energy levels are and then the lower my energy levels are I can't do as much so the lower my mood becomes. I need to find a way to pull myself out of this cycle and start finding ways to be more active again.  

Mostly I've been walking a couple of miles every few days. Moving my body and the fresh air always makes me feel a bit better, although with the stomach upsets I have to make sure I'm always near a bathroom in case I have to empty my ileostomy bag. I've also been having issues with my kidney stents post operation the last couple of weeks too which are giving me quite a lot of pain around my bladder. As all my surgery has been organised by gynaecology, I don't have direct links with the urology and gynaecology departments at the hospital so am trying my best to track down the relevant surgeons and teams so I can sort some more follow up appointments. Again though this takes energy and concentration which I have in short supply. 

I'm in a very low place where I'm hating my body and what I feel I am unable to do. All the food I like upsets my digestive system so much and it's very difficult not to dwell on all I feel I have lost. I'm writing this in the hopes I can turn things around again and start to enjoy life a bit more again. At least I've had a chance to catch up on knitting squares for a throw I'm slowly making, completed my first crochet square and have discovered Pretty Little Liars to watch...! 

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