Sunday, February 14, 2016

Managing expectations

Trying to whip my body back in to shape is hard work I tell you. My muscle memory is there to be able to do the basics when it comes to roller derby, but my strength, stamina, speed and agility are all gone. It's like my brain knows what to do but my body won't respond. I know it's all about patience, but I've gotten to a point where mine has run out and then some. I want to be back to where I was pre diagnosis and surgeries already!

One thing I'm trying to do is to focus on one or two specific skills during scrimmage sessions. This week it was jam at least once in every period and try and do flip flop blocking (turning from facing forwards to backwards). I find jamming exhausting at the moment, my body just isn't used to being pushed that much. I figure though the only way to be fit again is just to keep doing it, I can beat my body into submission! Not having any core muscles to speak of is definitely showing so that and endurance are my main goals to focus on off track still. I miss climbing and pole fitness so much, but I'm trying to pace myself a little and am not quite ready yet for either. 

It's difficult managing expectations. Now that I'm back on skates it's hard to not be back straight away at the skill level I was before all of this started. I have to work very hard at ignoring the mean goblins that live in my brain and tell me how rubbish and useless I am now. Luckily I have 3 amazing best friends who support me even though they live back in Croydon and don't skate. They always have my back and remind me it's a marathon and not a sprint despite my grumblings and impatience. 


The last two weeks have been hard work for me. I've had a lot of medical appointments and two different bacterial infections causing me more fatigue than usual. I've also just started an amazing internship in Liverpool and again my body is just adjusting to being back in a work environment. Having a structure to my days is wonderful though, a reason to get out of bed. I'm trying to make time to be kind to myself and give my body the rest it needs whilst still trying to improve my fitness. Finding the balance is proving very tricky.